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Tuesday, April 2, 2013

A lost, mother.

Assalamualaikum. This blog has been so long outdated. Its not like nothing interesting happened. Well, actually a lot of things happened. Alot that makes me re-think about my life and yet I still dont realize anything. Im just useless caliphs.Yes, I just lost my mom about a month ago. Allah lebih sayangkan beliau. She suffered from colon cancer. I read the report, its matastatic carcinoma of unknown primary. Carcinoma refers to colon. So yeah, it will be hard if the doctor state the reason of death is cancer, the procedure will be hard. We just dont want Ibu to suffer. IF you know what I mean. Losing a mother suffered from cancer is truthfully a tremendous blow to me. To the whole family. Its just a short battle. I moved from Kuantan to Kl, as it will be easier for my dad to take care the whole family. Its a drastic decision. Srsly. I've to quit job from Pakson. Im okay with it. Ibu lagi penting. Allah pinjamkan dia sekejap je..sekejap sgt..sgt sgt..Tapi sebagai hambanya, saya kena bersyukur. I've receicved the oppurtunity to know Ibu, to learn form Ibu, to love Ibu and to get Ibu's love, to have Ibu that every children in this world would want to. (Its true, my friend told me ''Kan best klu ada ibu mcm ibu awk'') These are all gifts. I read some google search, Antara kematian kematian yang baik adalah kematian dari bahagian perut. Alhamdulillah. Allah will granted her a very nice place. In shaa Allah. Every day is hard, Im afraid, I do. Im scared if I couldnt cope with this. I try to keep my head and heart up always and hold onto a positive mindset. After Ibu died, the one thing I kept repeatiing myself is that ''She's not hurting anymore''. Even when I miss her and really really miss Ibu, I have to stop and remind myself of how much pain she was in, anh how she will never have to hurt like that again. She will always live on through me. Always Ibu, Always. I remembered when Ibu keep on merungut yang dia sakit sgt kena cucuk sana sini utk ambil darah. I know Ibu. Kakak tahu Ibu sakit..Kakak tahu..walaupun kakak tak rasa. And she called me ''Ariana, meh sini'' I came to her and hold her hand. Ibu ask me ''Tissue'' Me, ''Oh tisu'' I took and give it to her. She took the tissue slowly and wipe her tears slowly.While looking at me ''Sakit'' Sambil menangis. I cannot cry infront of her. I said ''Sabar Ibu, sabar..sikit je'' I kissed her forehead..and nurse pun cakap ''Sabar ye puan, kami guna baby needle'' I cannot write this anymore. There's a lot to be remembered. Alot..The word, Pain. Life Goes On. Sounds cliche but thats reality.


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